Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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