I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
