I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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