I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
It's shark week go big or go home
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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