you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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