Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
