he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
