its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
