she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
