Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize