im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
