Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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