Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
