my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Randomize
