even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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