just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
