so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Dick very happy bro
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
