He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
