I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
