I think I won the penis lottery.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
All the doctor said was why
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