Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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