This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
