I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
