Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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