my sisters under your porch take her home
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
