Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
