I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
