she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
