is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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