just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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