We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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