I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
