I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
