What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
