I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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