If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
