i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
