Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Need sex. Gaining weight.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
