Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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