When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
