girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
