she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
