I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
