Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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