Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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