I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
