yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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