did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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