how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
