when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
