It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
