Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
