so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
