just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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