who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize