Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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