Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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