She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
