how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
