Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
