Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
