Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
