Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
