You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I have already put on my inside pants.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
