We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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