I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
