I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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