can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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