soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
