Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize