he shaved USA in his pubs
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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