I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
