i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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