I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
